just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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