There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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