i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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