and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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