At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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