I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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