I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
