My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Randomize
