omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Randomize
