end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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