You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
