what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
