So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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