I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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