final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
