just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I have fence marks all over my body
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Randomize
