so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Is it penis luge time yet?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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