Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
