I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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