I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
