Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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