Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
