capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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