The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
