Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
