I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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