thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
