I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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