You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
