If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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