I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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