Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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