just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
