At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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