It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
