There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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