from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
