The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
