I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
