Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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