Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
It's never too late to be topless.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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