playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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