im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
