The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Everything about him screamed your future.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
