nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
