OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
