Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
