i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
