Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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