I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
